Tanicia:

Okay, so let me pull up my questions. I am so excited to talk about happiness.

Amy:

We need it right now, right? Like, this world.

Tanicia:

Oh, my gosh.

Amy:

It’s a lot happening.

Tanicia:

So much happening. And when I was, like, looking through your website, which is also so fun and full of happy, I was like, there’s just so many questions around happy. Because it’s just such this elusive term for everyone. And so I’m really excited to get your take and dive into the concept of what that means as an individual to cultivate happiness.

So why don’t we kick it off by sharing, like, 

What is a happiness coach? And how did you come to realize that this was what you wanted to bring to the world?

Amy:

So first off, I’m really excited to be here and talk about this because, as you know, it’s a very near and dear topic for me. But also just that sense of I really do feel like in the pandemic. And continued we have this collective energy that is very low in so many regards. And it’s really been hard, hard for us to find our footing again. And like you said, that idea of happiness is elusive, but yet here we all are, wanting it in our lives. And I think because it is so different for all of us, there isn’t one size fits all. 

For a long time, for me, I felt like I was trying just like everyone else, I was trying to find happiness. But I was going about it in the one size fits all way, in the sense of buying and listening to brands and listening to people who sold me this idea of happiness. And I never found it. No wonder because. I wasn’t looking internally. I wasn’t really trying to understand myself on a deeper level. I was trying to find external validation and really kind of go with that idea of the ego version of happiness. 

So when I think about defining happiness for me today and how different that is for me in my twenties is really happiness is a lot slower, a lot slower pace. It’s a lot more space in my day and in my thoughts. It’s really being intentional, really being self-aware of where I’m at, what I want. How that’s changing sometimes at a daily basis, if not seasonal, to every year and just being yes. Really? That idea of self aware. Being self-aware and having self-awareness is so big because if we don’t know what we want, we’re never going to get it. If we don’t know what makes us happy, we will never be happy.

And so when I think about in my 20s, really up until my early 30, I thought that. Following trends would make me happy. I thought that going on flashy weekend trips made me happy because I saw these examples in the media and in advertising, and it was like, oh, your life looks really cool, and if your life looks cool, then you’ll be cool and you’ll be happy. And I fully bought into that. And the more and more, I strip that thinking and strip that lifestyle away, the more and more connected I feel. And the more ease I have in my day, the more space I have, the more I get to do what I actually want. And feeling really connected to that idea of what makes me happy. And so now I really do feel like I’ve been able to attain that happy lifestyle that I’ve been searching for and putting money into in the opposite direction for so long.

Tanicia:

It’s interesting because it feels like I went through a period of time where there’s this idea of what you’re saying if just this thing outside of me would change, then I would be happy. It’s like you hear people say, if I just lost £20, I would be happy. If I had a bunch of money, I would be happy. There’s all of these external factors that we put our happiness on. 

And I know there have been so many conversations like, well, you have to be happy where you are now in order to be happy with what’s on the outside. So it’s.

Was that part of the process for you? What was the process of stripping that away?

Amy:

And I love that reflection because you’re 1000% right. And when you think about keeping society happy, it’s like we’re always one step away from having that thing. Because if we’re not, then we’re not going to be motivated to go get the next thing or get the next job or buy the house or whatever it is, right? 

So we think about that forward momentum and kind of the dangling carrot in front of the horse. It makes sense why we have been conditioned to continually want even a new addition of the phone comes out, oh, great, get that new one. Because you want to be up and coming, you want to be cool, you want to be perceived in all these certain ways, right, that we’ve put this intrinsic value on. 

But when I think about how that was for me, of always wanting the next thing, it’s this rat race. And you’re never able to just be happy with who you are now, what you have now. And really feeling that idea of settling, it’s very uneasy. We think about having anxiety and being stressed because when you never feel settled, you’re always like, oh, okay, I got this thing, or I got the promotion, but then what’s next?

And so as soon as I was able to and that’s one of the biggest practices when I think about universal happiness and attaining happiness and how do we allow ourselves and feel really good about living in the present moment and coming back to where are you now? What’s happening now? Who are you now? Think that it’s so hard. That’s the thing about happiness, too, which I found it’s so simple. Like, really, when you think about what makes you happy, it’s a very simple set of things.

However, it is so hard to achieve because we feel so much pressure and we see other people in the world and we compare ourselves. And so we’re not just happy with those simple things. We feel like we need so much more. But really, that idea of stripping away, it’s really allowing yourself to be okay with the simplicity.

And so I’d love to ask you, like, when you think about happiness and how you define happiness, what happiness is to you, what is that answer for you?

Tanicia:

Oh, gosh. Turning the tables. That’s a really good question. Because as you’re speaking, the thing that comes to mind is two things.

I would live in the future of wanting things because I wasn’t happy in the present. And so to have the awakening to the idea that I’m not going to be happy when I get these future things if I’m not happy now, made me feel really confronted to actually start to acknowledge, shit, I’m not happy now. What do I need to do now to be happy? 

But then there was also this ego mind flip that would come in around, oh, well, if I’m happy now, then I’m not going to be striving. I’m not going to be growing and evolving. It just means I’m giving up. To me, being happy now meant giving up, right?

To answer your question, the thing that flipped for me was realizing that shooting for these future wants within out. Being happy in the moment was an ego desire like those once were coming from my ego. I want my own house. I want a wardrobe full of really pretty clothes. I want a ton of money in the bank. All of these things were energetically coming from my ego. And when I switched it, I may want the same things, but the energy around it is very different, and it doesn’t become like grasping, trying to claw to get it. It’s just almost like more of a receiving.

Amy:

That’s beautiful.

Tanicia:

So, for me, happiness is so much like yours, like, spaciousness, to have quiet it and connection with my thoughts and my babies and my husband and go on adventures in the world and explore and live a life of really experiencing what’s here.

Amy:

I love that and going back to that idea of simplicity. Everything you mentioned, it is just so simple because it’s you in your purest form, and it’s not a bunch of fluff. You didn’t name that. “Oh, hey, a big five story or maybe five bedroom home is that thing that makes you happy”. It’s more about the connection. It’s more about the connectivity. 

So when we are able to really identify that and really lean into that and that’s why it’s so challenging, it is really hard for our society doesn’t celebrate simpleness in that sense. Right. It’s about consumption. It’s about what do you have. Even that question of when we meet, when we’re at the mixer or the networking thing, it’s around, what do you do for work? It’s not about who you are. Who do you want to be? It’s more about what do you do? And that doing that work. Then it’s like, okay, well, now, because you work, you make a paycheck, you can have these things. And that’s the validation that we have in our society. We don’t really validate for simplicity in that sense.

Tanicia:

It’s so true. It makes me think of fashion. It’s like we buy brands because they symbolize something like, oh, I have enough money to go buy the Gucci. I have enough money to go buy the product. It’s a status symbol as opposed to what fabrics do I feel good in? What clothing do I want to use to adorn my physical temple?

Amy:

Yeah, I just got shivers. Because you’re so right. It’s like how does it make you feel? And so thinking about that self-awareness, are we going for the name because it’s a name. That’s like the external validation or internally, how does it make you feel? That’s beautiful.

Tanicia:

So many things I love that you bring in external validation because so many times that’s what makes people feel happy sometimes. Because it’s really catering to something inside of them that doesn’t feel validated and worthy in and of itself. And so it’s almost like what you’re saying is bringing that space of happiness back to the internal space.

Amy:

A thousand percent. And it’s interesting you talked to her earlier about that idea of always something we can’t just be settled. 

I think when I was in my teens and up into my twenties, I always thought happiness was something that I would have later in life because there were certain things that I had to do before I could even feel happiness. Like you mentioned, like having X amount in my bank account, having a certain job title, having traveled the world, or had some notoriety from my friends, and maybe even the amount of friends I had, the amount of relationships I held. And maybe actually, to be honest, too, was I married? If I was married, that was going to add to my ability to be happy later in life. 

That conditioning and that thinking that I had is so far from what it’s like, we are able to be happy now. And I’m curious, where did I get that conditioning? Is that something that I learned from my parents? Is it something I learned from society? Is it something I learned from the media? And really, I think it’s a mix of everything. But that belief that you can’t be happy until you have these certain things is absolutely not true. Because we can be happy now just as much as we can be happy at any age of our life.

Tanicia:

 It reminds me of the programming that you go to school, you go to college, you get a good job, you make a lot of money, hopefully, and then you retire. There’s like this step, this sequence that we have to go through. It’s like almost the same thing with happiness. You do the things you achieve. This society approved. Littlestep.

Amy:

Approved.I love that.

Tanicia:

All of a sudden you’re happy and it’s like, wait a second, actually I’m not.

Amy:

Yeah. And you look back at your life at that time and I think that a lot of people will think or the way that I learned was I’ll look back at my life and be so proud of everything I did.  But it’s like, well, what about the here and now? Because who knows if we are going to get to that retired place? Who knows if we’re going to follow that trajectory?

Tanicia:

So when you work with people, how do you help them differentiate between (if they come to you) What are some of the things clients come to you and say, I want to be happy? How do you differentiate between their soul happy versus their ego happy? 

You just kind of help them navigate that path.

Amy:

Yeah. So when people come to me and it’s a mix, but a lot of it is either going through some transformation in their life, they want to get out of the job that makes them unhappy, they want to get out of a relationship that makes them unhappy. They want to shift their mindset because they’re maybe experiencing a lot of anxiety, a lot of stress, and they’re kind of continually in that low-frequency place and they want to experience more happiness and high frequency and joy in life.

 Or similar to me, they’re starting to understand that the lifestyle they have isn’t helping them sustain happiness. And that’s really where I was at in so many ways. It was like one day I just woke up and I said, what the hell am I doing? Everything I’m doing is making me further or putting me further and further and further from this idea of happiness. And so I just started doing the opposite of everything I was doing to tweak and experiment and see what could actually cultivate happiness for me. 

So I think it can really be all across the board in terms of who I’m working with and kind of what that catalyst is for someone to say, I wonder, like, maybe I’ll talk to a happiness coach and see what that is. But it really covers. So much of our life. So when, you know, when I use a happiness coach, because I’m very I’ve been I’ve wanted to experience happiness my entire life, and I really cultivated that for myself. But when you think about a life coach, that’s very similar as well.

And so I’ve created this framework called the Six Elements to sustain happiness and what we talk about. So for each individual, this is a framework that is across the board. However, we get really specific in these ones on one conversation to really help people understand and as they’re trying to define their version of happiness, how they are in these six elements. 

So the six elements are:

where your mindset is, where your mental well being is at, what your daily routine is,and then that ladder up to what your lifestyle is, what your environment is like, what your home environment is. Is, what your work environment is, where you are going on your time off, what your money is, how you’re spending your money, how you’re earning your money, how you’re earning your money.  Relationships, what relationships you’re cultivating in your life, what community you’ve created around you. And then the 6th is what your career is and what your work life is.

And so we go into detail into each of these elements to really understand where you’re at. It’s kind of like that analysis of where you’re at now, what in your mind could make you happier. Like, when you think about what environment makes you the most happy, and then are you cultivating that? Like, do you actually have that? And what little small shifts could you do to have more happiness throughout your day and then that extends into your overall life?

Tanicia:

 Wow. I love that. It’s a holistic approach.  It really feels like you touched on all the different pieces.

Amy:

Yes. And the framework has been really helpful because to answer your question, in terms of how I’m working with clients, on an individual level, it has to be very individual because everyone is at a different place in their life. Everyone has a different life. Everyone has a different definition of happiness. This framework has been really helpful in the sense of these are the areas that we’re going to look into. And those conversations are very bespoke in the sense that they will go and evolve and develop and build in very different ways for each different person.

Tanicia:

I like that it’s chunk out like that too, because I feel like if you start to do the macro look at your life and you look at all of these different buckets, it’s like, oh,my gosh, this is so overwhelming. I’m unhappy in so many areas, and that can feel really overwhelming. Is that something you’ve felt or seen in your work with it?

Amy:

Yeah, and it’s interesting because the thing that I’ve seen the most is in conversation with people, they’re they will quickly pick up on maybe two or three areas where maybe they don’t really feel like they have strong relationships in their life, they’re not happy at their job, and they feel like their daily routine isn’t supporting them.

Okay. And so we start to talk about those first, and then what happens is. All of a sudden, it’s like we’re having these conversations about our daily routine. Now we’re starting to realize, well, wait, every day when I wake up, I’m living in fear or I’m in scarcity every day. And so it really is when you think about this web, every one of these elements supports one another. And as you’re working on one, one you’re starting to see, oh, wow, maybe I don’t feel motivated in the morning, but that might be more in terms of more related to what’s happening mentally. Are you getting enough sleep? Are you eating the right food? Do you feel supported? Do you really, fully, truly love yourself? Right? So all these things, how you’re approaching not only your daily routine, but how you’re thinking about it too, and are you setting yourself up in terms of mindset for success and for happiness?

Tanicia:

The mindset, I feel like, is huge too, because I just think about like, let’s take your career container, right? And you think, oh, I want this really great, beautiful career, and this is the thing I want to be doing. And that would make me feel happy in a genuine sense. But then all the fear comes up and like, oh, but I can’t do that because nobody will buy it or no one will show up or no one will say yes. And then it’s like that fear of rejection comes up. Even though you can kind of see what would make you happy, you kind of have to work through all of that resistance first.

Amy:

Usually. 

And I think that resistance too. When I think about working with people, there’s been conversations I’ve had where people aren’t ready to do the work, they’re not ready to be honest with themselves. And that’s okay because I was in that place too until I really said that idea of really hitting rock bottom and me admitting I don’t want to live like this anymore, I’m lonely, I’m unhappy. And that first truth was really hard to digest. But that’s where I had to start off, okay, I do really want to work on myself. I want to put in the work and I’ve put six years of work in. But everything has been so worth it because I’m a completely different person now. Today I’m approaching life in a very different way and now able to really help others do that for themselves.

Tanicia:

I love that. 

I feel like you too, you land on this thing through any sustainable change that I have found in clients who want to go deeper into this hard mucky stuff. The very first step that you have to have in order to create any long-term and sustainable change is desire. 

And they say that desire is what lights the will of women. And so when we as women can feel our desire, which I feel like in society we’ve been really kind of dampened because our desire has always been to be desired, right? And so to flip that and allow ourselves to go inside to feel our desire and use that flame to ignite this path towards more deeper happiness like you’re describing. Like. It makes sense that some people just maybe aren’t in tune with that desire yet.

Amy:

I love that. 

And you’re so right. The desire to be happy. And I think for a long time I didn’t think I deserved to be happy. And I didn’t love myself fully, if at all. It was so fragmented across the board, and I was even lying to myself. Of course, I loved myself, but I didn’t even in itself, that was a lie. 

And so really, you really hit the head there in terms of that desire. Do we desire to really feel like we’re worthy, feel like we’re capable of feeling happiness, of feeling and getting what we really want in life?

Tanicia:

 Right. Yeah. And having that staying power to really climb whatever mountains are going to show up as we journey.

Amy:

Yes. And that’s the work, right? Showing up. If you really feel like you’re deserving and you truly want happiness, you feel like you’re deserving of it, then you can go and get it and put in the work and show up and consistency and all of that are so important. Yeah.

Tanicia:

And so you said Mindset was one of your six.

Amy:

Yeah, it’s number one. Because really even going back to that idea of desiring and feeling worthy, that’s the mindset. So if you’re not in the mindset of I do deserve happiness, then you’re not going to put in the work. Right, so that is number one.

Tanicia:

Yeah, that makes so much sense. Sense.

Do you find that there are some really basic things that as humans get in the way of our happiness? Like would you say fear or anxiety or lack of clarity?

Amy:

It’s interesting because yes, when I think about the ego, the ego is not all bad, there’s this spectrum. But when we think about the ego in terms of comparison, going after things that like the external accolades and validation, it can really put us in this place of feeling pressured to do things that we don’t necessarily align with, allowing ourselves to. Coming back to that idea that you said earlier, we should really embrace goals that we feel like we should do or things that we should have in life and embody that right. Like not even having the ability and the self-awareness to decipher, is that really what I want? Or do I feel more pressure or I’m using comparison to think that those are things that I actually do want but in truth I don’t. Right? 

Yeah. And fear. I think we talked about media a little bit earlier, but when I look at mainstream media, it is all fear based. And so if we’re continuing, we talked earlier too, about that collective state that we’re in now. And it’s like when we are constantly shown, these ideas are kept in fear based on headlines or news stories, all that thing, all of that. It’s very easy to get trapped in that world and kind of have that narrow scope of mind instead of really acknowledging what is happening around us. People are helping out a neighbor. People are doing something nice for someone they don’t know in your community, all these things. Right. And if we are living in someone much fear because of what we see, particularly around mainstream media, however, there’s so much more abundance and goodness in the world. It just takes us to really acknowledge that and also temper acknowledging where the fear is and tempering that. So that’s not our main focus.

Tanicia:

Right. What makes me think of it is you come to the realization that you want a deeper sense of happiness, and we find our way to you, and we’re like, okay, can you just make me happy with my life? There’s almost this idea that if I was happy, I should be able to weather any storm, live in this bubble of happiness. And I feel like that’s almost like another piece of it, where it’s like, just because you have an internal compass of happiness doesn’t mean you’re going to be happy regardless of what’s going on in your environment. 

And I feel like that could be really confronting for some people to be like, I just want to be happy, but like, “oh, shit, I’m actually not happy in my job.” 

And then having that realization and being like, crap, what am I going to do about it? Or like, oh my gosh, I wanted to be happy in my relationship, and I was hoping you could teach me how to be happy in my relationship. But in reality, this is not the relationship I want. “And oh, no.”

Amy:

And it’s interesting, you bring up an interesting segue into this. This idea of high frequency is something that I’ve been talking a lot about recently. 

When we think about high frequency, a lot of the time we go into this place of positive good vibrations, right? Like, always happy and not really looking at that on a spectrum level is like high frequency is good, low frequency is bad, right? 

And so, really, it’s interesting because I’ve started to explore more and more in terms of high frequency on a spectrum level, where there’s that idea of, quote, unquote, good and bad or like high and low in this idea. 

So when you’re thinking about, yes, I want to be happy, we think about that. There’s a lot of energy. We’re like smiling, laughing, all the things, right? 

But when. Look at. Okay. Happiness isn’t always joyful.  Because, really, when I think about and this comes down to even deeper of, like, when I think about happiness and what makes me happy, yes. There’s a lot of contentment, enjoyment, ease in my life.  And there’s also expansion, there’s challenge, there’s learning. And those things aren’t comfortable all the time. Right. 

And so coming back to this high frequency, so in the moments of growth and discomfort, I know when I am uncomfortable that I’m growing and that I’m learning. And so I in my mind, even though it doesn’t feel good at the moment, and I’m moving through the emotions and I’m crying my eyes out or I feel really sad, I know that I am doing something, and I’m going through life in a way that’s helping me expand. And so even though it doesn’t feel happy at the moment, I am happy for those experiences because they’re moving me through.

Tanicia:

Yes.  Which I feel ties us right back to the fact that you had the desire to traverse this cavern, to, like, to get to this new state. So, like, all of the challenges along the way are just being sustained by that deeper desire to change.

Amy:

Yes.

Tanicia:

I love that.

Amy:

And I think the best example I can think of is that we were talking about relationships earlier, before we jumped in. It is one of the things that makes me happy and the things that I want in life. One of the desires I have in life is to cultivate really strong, meaningful, deep relationships. And this is one of the six elements, the relationships we have in the community we build. 

However, those relationships, especially on that deep, intimate level, don’t just manifest, right? That idea of cultivating. We have to work with them. And so even in those moments of me having the self-awareness of, okay, this is what I need, getting really clear on what I need from people in my life, and then taking the action to have the conversation, to ask for what I need or speak up and advocate for myself in the moment. Those are not fun, easy conversations, right? They’re very vulnerable. They’re very uncomfortable. 

However, In that moment, you could say maybe low frequency, because it feels painful almost at the time. Right. I know that conversation, regardless of how it goes, if the person reciprocates or not, we’re still moving through and I’m advocating for what I need and want, and I’m trying to create more intimacy, create more depth in my relationships. And so that makes me happy because I’m working towards this overall arching goal in my relationships. 

And so when you’re coming back to that idea of high frequency, even though it may not feel like, oh, this is a good conversation, I mean, it is in so many ways, yes. It wasn’t comfortable, but it’s getting me closer to what I want in life. So I can say it’s high frequency because it’s creating good, positive energy and moving me closer in life.

Tanicia:

And I feel like it’s like a labyrinth. I mean, sometimes you’re going to just bang it out of the park, right, and you’ll be like, “yeah, I had some boundaries,” and other times you’ll be like, “oh, I didn’t do that so well.” But it’s like you are literally creating new ways of energetically showing up and operating in the world, and it’s going to be chunky, right, and it’s going to be clunky, but you’re doing it, and that’s the umbrella of happiness.

Amy:

It really is. Yeah. And I think really coming back to that idea of self-love, one of my mantras in life is to be better every day. And some days that’s not action-oriented at all. It’s more about taking care of myself. Right. And so really understanding what I need and giving that and allowing that in that moment and accepting that we’re all human. 

And so that’s been a really interesting journey in itself of just really acknowledging and coming back to because I think when we think about happiness, it kind of has this we all have this idea of what it should look like. Yeah. But we have to throw that version out, because that is even that idea of, like, external. If we have this idea of what it should look like, there’s another should. Right. Then we’re chasing something that’s not ours. We’re not creating it. Exactly. Yes.

Tanicia:

I love that it made me think of something that totally whispered outside of my ear and I can’t remember it, but it’s I just love that of, like, flipping it inward. And that can be really scary. It can be really oh. It was the shift of how, like, our society prizes doing, right? And so it’s like this idea that we always have to be doing something in order to be happy. And what you’re talking about here is like, shifting to just the essence of being like just being with yourself and cultivating the happiness from that, which is just like a huge shift from our version and loving that version, right?

Amy:

Loving the version that isn’t doing.

Tanicia:

Oh, my gosh, that’s a huge one. That’s a huge challenge. Challenge right there. So I know on your Instagram that you are so well known for sharing these happiness tips.

Amy:

Yes.

Tanicia:

And I would just love to know. Because I would love to be happier.

What are some of your favorite ones? What are some of the lower fruit and then some that are a little bit

Amy:

Yeah. So it’s interesting, when I first started these happiness tips, they were actions that people could take in their week or in their month or year to be happier. But what I’ve realized is I can’t dictate, I can’t tell someone that walking around the block before dinner is going to make you actually happier because it might be two degrees where you live.  Right. 

And that’s not so. It’s interesting how these actually have evolved in the sense of me really getting closer to these bigger, overarching concepts and asking questions that provoke thought and that help people understand. Well, maybe I need to rethink that. Or maybe this is a belief that I’ve had for a long time, but does it actually ladder up to me being happier? So I just want to make that distinction because in my journey, even in my happiness journey, but then ultimately also my journey of helping other people find happiness in people in my community and everywhere. How am I really allowing people to discover their version of happiness? Oh, yeah, right. 

Through these questions and thought starters and conversation starters. So to answer your question, these kinds of bigger themes that I’m really starting to see. And it’s hard because when you think about these general themes, how were these applying to us? I think that’s really where the connection is, where it can feel so elusive. Because it’s like, okay, well, there’s this thing that I can do, but how do I apply that to me? Where do I find time for it? How do I fit it in? And so, really, when I think about how we really start cultivating that idea of happiness, it is in conversation. Maybe it’s a conversation with yourself in your journal or if you’re doing voice notes on your phone of really asking yourself a question and then starting to really reflect so you can get closer and closer to, again, that idea of shedding, but getting closer and closer to your core of, like, what’s really true for you. 

So I just want to throw that out there because, again, coming back to that idea of elusiveness, I think that a lot of happiness experts, a lot of people are having these, oh, do these five things, or do these? And again, these are these generic things that, well, how do I actually really start doing this for me? And I think through these happiness tips, I’m really trying to help people understand on a deeper level how they can apply instead of. Like giving. Hey, do these five things right? So we’ll see where I get.

Yeah. But to answer your question, that was a long winded answer. Really? The overarching theme that I’m seeing is first and foremost, you have to practice some form and believe you are worthy of love. So that idea of self love is so deeply connected to happiness. Because if you don’t feel like you’re worthy of love, you don’t think you’re worthy of happiness, you don’t think you’re capable of giving yourself that, then where are you? Right? So there’s that deep connection of truly that form of self love. If you’re able to love yourself, then you feel like you’re worthy of happiness. You feel like you’re worthy of all the things all connected. You might want to cut that part out too, because I felt like I just repeated myself

Secondly, Live in the present moment. So what I notice, and this is from my anxiety and my stress I feel so much anxiety when my mind drifts into the past, I’m regretting decisions I’ve made. I’m trying to like, oh, why did I do that? I’m not loving myself because I’m second guessing myself and I’m totally disconnected from being able to do it again. There’s no do over, right? And then when I’m living in the future, I feel so much anxiety and stress because I’m trying to play out all the different scenarios. I’m trying to remember, oh, I should act this way, or the thing I should say, or whatever.

But whenever I’m able to come back to the present moment, the stress and anxiety, honestly, so many times has just melted away because it’s like, okay, I come back to my breath. I come back to the room that I’m in, I come back to my body. Am I hungry? How do I feel? What do I have energy for? What’s lighting me up today? And so, really, when we’re able to come back and live in the present moment, I’m not saying that reflection and future planning aren’t important, and I think there’s a really beautiful balance to all of this. However, when we’re ruminating on things and we’re stressing out about things that are out of our control, when you’re able to then come back to the present moment, it’s like that really of that connection that we’re talking about that’s there

And the third one I’ll just say is self-awareness. So self-awareness that you’re loving yourself in the right way or not loving yourself in the right way, that you deserve self-awareness. That is where your thoughts are. Are you actually in the present moment or are you somewhere else and not really here and now? So that idea of self-awareness is so huge because not only of our thoughts, but also of our actions and how we feel from those actions is so important. So when you think about how you’re applying these to your life, I think these are just bigger concepts that we have. That like, when we have when we’re able to love ourselves when we’re able to have and understand. That self-awareness and when we’re able to live in the present moment, those are three key things that when you’re able to have those, happiness is a lot easier to come. Because. What I’ve experienced.

Tanicia:

I love that you bring in the reflecting on the past and the future because I do a lot with character work and the internal dialogue of the various characters that we have created within our psyche. It really is like a form of multiple personalities, but not in the disorder kind of way. But we all  have an inner critic, and that’s what it makes me think of. That’s what creates the anxiety and the stress when looking at the past, oh, I did that wrong. It was horrible that I did that. Anytime you have those statements of like, I’m a bad person, or I didn’t do that. Right. Because of X, that’s this critic that comes in. I feel like that’s kind of what you’re speaking to. Like, if we can lift that voice out and do more compassionate reflection and more compassionate planning for our future, then that gets woven in with the fabric of happiness.

Amy:

Absolutely right. Oh, why did I do it that way? Just like for me, whenever I hear those negative thoughts now, because they’re never going to go away. The inner critic is always with us. Right, right. And so it’s more about being self aware of when she is talking and saying, okay, well, first off, I’m human. Second off, I did the best I could in the moment, the decision, like, it’s not the end of the world if I need to come back and say I changed my mind, or this doesn’t. The world is not and our actions are never set in stone. Right, right. So we’re still living. I think those reminders of and really the first one always comes to mind is, like, we’re human and just having that, like you said, compassion for yes, maybe we’re going to make several mistakes. Right. And it’s a big experiment that we’re doing here and. Yeah. Big experiment.

Tanicia:

And it takes me back to your very first thing, which is self love. The inner critic doesn’t come from a space of self love. So, like recognizing that and circling back to that place of self love. Yeah. Before we wrap this up, I have two more things. Which one would be in the world of Amy? What does your happiness recipe look like? What do you do?

Amy:

I allow myself and this has been a practice, especially, and it’s been helpful to have my own business, because schedule is such a crucial part of this, but really allowing myself to go with my intuition more and more. And so that means when I wake up, if I’m a little more tired, I want more rest, I allow myself to sleep a little more. If I want to get up and take a walk immediately, if I want to call a friend, if I want to jump on email, I really allow myself to flow through the day. And that kind of, like, unstructured structure has really allowed me to feel happier in my day, because it does create that ease, and it creates the space as well. I’m so I don’t feel like I’m having to do anything. I get to do them, right? 

And then also just really I think for a long time, I always felt that. Like, spending time with friends or writing letters to people or like, you know, kind of the things that I really love to do. I always felt like they were chores. And so I’ve really connected back to my why across my day. So what am I doing and why? And before particularly talking about relationships and community, I felt like I looked better if I was busy and if I had, my social calendar was, like, charted out. So maybe after work on Tuesday, I was meeting up with a friend for a drink. On Wednesday, I was having dinner. On Friday, I was having lunch. Saturday, Sunday I had plans, and that did not sustain me at all. My energy was null and void, especially as a projector, as you know. 

And so now coming back to that idea of why am I going to meet up with a friend for drinks? Is it for, like, a formality? Is it because I feel like coming back to that idea of being busy? Or do I really want to catch up with that person? Right. So being a lot more intentional about my time and why I’m doing things has been huge and crucial, because a lot of friendships either now I’m seeing people, instead of once every other week, it’s once every three months, and it’s a lot more intentional and feels really good. And now I’m creating more space for me in that. Right. And so it’s just been a really delicate balance, but that’s been huge too.

Tanicia:

 I feel like what you bring to the world into, like, the overall healing of humanity is so needed right now. Coming out of these two years of isolation and navigating relationships with, like, the anxiety of what comes along with it and. I just feel like a breath of fresh air when I, like, lean into what you’re creating and what you’re offering, and I just want to say thank you.

Amy:

Oh, my gosh. As you were talking, though, I feel the same with you, of just the community you’re creating and just such intentional love. Like, gosh, I think love is probably our word for this conversation. I see you. We’re doing very similar things in very different ways, and it’s really amazing. Thank you.

Tanicia:

Yeah. Oh, my gosh. So before we jet off, how can people find you? What are you working on now? What’s in the world?

Amy:

Yes. Right now I’m doing one on one coaching with clients, and then I’m also looking at this idea of the great resignation happening, and a lot of people either leaving their jobs to find other jobs or start their own business. And so I’m really thinking about happiness in the workforce. And what are these key components? Work environment, company culture, right. And how we can create more happiness in those environments. So that’s been really exciting. That’s really exciting.

Tanicia:

That’s really exciting.

Amy:

And for your community, too. So, for the one-on-one coaching, when people contact me, we do a 90 minutes self discovery, but really talking about understanding and getting closer to what your definition of happiness is and how to start cultivating in your life. We look at the six elements to sustain happiness. We really kind of evaluate what you’re doing in your day to day and really start to understand how you can be shifting on a very small level, shifting your life and kind of these bigger thinking, bigger picture things to really start cultivating happiness. And so I offer those. They’re a paid session, but I’d love to offer your community $25 off. Oh, my God. Thank you. Those 90 minute sessions? Yeah. So I’ll send you a link to put in the show notes. Okay.

Tanicia:

Yeah. That’s amazing because I feel like so much can happen in 90 minutes, and it just reminds me of, like I feel like there’s some proverb out there. It’s like you drop a pebble and it sends ripples out. Right. So it’s like you make these really tiny shifts and it can just expand exponentially out into your world. So I love that.

Amy:

It’s incredible. And so many people, even just for that 90 minute call, will talk maybe a week or two weeks after, and people have said, amy, there has been so much that has shifted in my life just from that 90 minutes conversation. And I always feel so energetic in those conversations as well, because for me, too, I have coaches. Coaching is, I think, so important and so helpful, because when we’re able to have conversations, when we’re able to know and trust someone and know that they’re holding space for us and be okay with them asking those hard questions, it really can expand our mind in such profound ways.

Tanicia:

Yes. Having someone there that is dedicated to listening and holding space just for you is huge.

I mean, even if you call your best friend, at some point, the conversation is going to go to her or him or them and what they need in life. But to have this designated container just for you and your happiness, I mean, it seems like a no brainer.

Amy:

I’m smiling right now. Any conversation I have with anyone just like this one just completely lights me up. And I love supporting people on this journey.

Tanicia:

Yes. I am so excited to have you be a part of this series. I can’t wait for people to hear what you’ve shared today. And thank you for the generous offer of help, the discount of getting people this space to explore with you. And I just couldn’t be more thrilled that we had this time together to talk.

Amy:

Same Tanicia. You’re amazing. Yeah.

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